#6 Getting Started: Empowering Beliefs

This blog post is the “companion” piece to #5 which considered limiting beliefs. In this one, I will introduce the concept of neuroplasticity and offer effective strategies to move you away from your limiting beliefs and toward positive, empowering beliefs that will help you reach your goals.

The first strategy offers a list of empowering beliefs which are “ready-made” for you to use and are frequently effective for people working on their weight. The second strategy teaches you how to discover your own limiting beliefs and transform them into empowering beliefs that serve you. It takes a little more work than the first method, but can truly pay off. Try them both or pick one. And the final strategy suggests ways to practice your new empowering beliefs. That’s for everyone. Don’t skip that step!

Neuroplasticity explained

Brain scientists used to believe that after we reached a certain age (late 20s or so), our brain was incapable of changing—no new cells produced, no new synapses created. (Synapses are the result of messaging between the cells where new learning and behaviors are being formed.) In the last 30 years roughly, these scientists have discovered that this is completely untrue and that if we keep using our brain it is remarkably capable of new growth and change. For our purposes—positive habit change—this is incredibly good news!

The bad news, however, is that there is a “primitive” part of our brain that tends to focus on the negative—internally with our feelings, or externally with the environment—as it’s scanning for trouble in order to help us survive. We need to gently work with the more sophisticated part of the brain, the pre-frontal cortex, which is capable of positive thinking and rational problem-solving to “correct” some of the errors of the primitive part that only aims for short-term results. We can thereby change the errors in thinking and habits for the long term. In this post we’re specifically talking about the phrases that get “stuck” in our minds, the chatter in which we “talk bad” about ourselves. I will show you how to re-cast those negatives into positive thoughts that serve us.

Let me give you an example of a negative belief taken from my own life. In my 20s I was plagued by the limiting belief, “There’s something wrong with me. I am defective.” I could only see my weaknesses. Through a lot of hard work with a great therapist, I began to appreciate my strengths. I did not have the exact method of thought replacement that I’m sharing with you, but through sharing my inner thoughts I began to be able to see who I truly was: I was disciplined and determined, was becoming a skilled classical musician, was unusually sensitive and understanding of other people, and was unafraid to look at myself honestly. My brain hadn’t been seeing that evidence before, even though it was present. Therefore, my self-image didn’t account for it and embrace it. Gradually, I was able to change that, due to neuroplasticity!

What will happen in the method explained here is that your brain will continue to offer up the old thought, the limiting belief. And you will practice noticing when this is happening and answer it with the new thought, the empowering belief. Then you will also create a practice where you recite or write or use sticky notes to “implant” the new thought. The more you think it, the more your brain will look for evidence to prove it. As I said previously, some of that evidence has been there all along and you just were not able to see it. And new evidence will become available as well, as you are starting to believe the new thought. This is because you will be taking positive actions and creating new evidence in real time! A positive feedback loop will be created.

First method: Ready-made empowering beliefs you can borrow

Below are a few common empowering beliefs that are useful for people working on weight loss or other habit change. Feel free to “borrow” these and start practicing them.

Before I list the phrases, I need to say something about the word “affirmation.” I’m not crazy about that term because it has become associated with wildly positive statements that people recite and don’t believe. For example, if I often have the thought, “I hate my body” and I decide to replace it with “I love my body,” the chances are that I don’t believe the positive phrase, because it’s too positive! In fact, research shows that if you repeat to yourself a positive phrase that you don’t believe, you actually reinforce the negative in your head! If I say, “I love my body,” I’m actually thinking, “Yeah, right” and I’m further drilling in the negative, limiting belief into my brain. So don’t do that! Instead, create a sentence that is more neutral, less glowing, such as “I have a body.” Or “I did not create my body, but it serves me well.” Or “I can accept my body and at the same time work to make it better.”

So be sure you can believe, or at least are willing to “try on” the phrase you select. Feel free to modify them, as explained above.

1. “I take action every day toward my goals.”

This one helps you notice even the smallest positive actions you’ve taken or will take.

2. “I make food choices.”

Great example of one that is neutral-sounding but powerful. Every single time you make a choice is a new event, not dictated by past ones. Also, you are the one dictating it, not some diet guru. Paradoxically, this phrase helps you feel less deprived and helps you want to make the healthier choices. This is because you feel empowered to make the choice of a “treat food” if you want to.

3. “I can keep myself calmer by focusing on one thing at a time.”

This one is really helpful to combat the feeling of overwhelm or to help people (like me!) who often feel anxious. It also prevents ineffectual multi-tasking.

4. “I choose to no longer struggle with my weight.”

Agency feels good. Reverse the diet culture message that “it’s got to be a struggle or you’re not working hard enough.”

5. “I can handle lots of hard things.”

Or “I’ve handled lots of hard things in the past. I will handle this one, too.”

Or a very ambitious variation: “I can handle anything.”

Think about your past successes. You definitely have them. Write them down, think about how you achieved them.

These phrases exemplify how you can pitch the words perfectly to reflect your level of belief in the new thing. How great do you want to say you are right now?

These are also useful if you struggle with overwhelm, a hard job, a too long to-do list, a house with multiple young children. It is calming. And it may help you prevent the “I deserve it” thought—which often shows up in the evening after you’ve had a stressful day—which often leads to overeating or overdrinking. “I deserve it,” while true on its surface (you are worthy), is usually a screen for resentment.

6. “This is working.”

A great counter to “it’s not happening fast enough” or a general confusion about whether your food plan is working. Boredom sometimes makes you want to switch plans for no good reason. Just add some variety rather than ditch the whole plan. (As the proverb says, “Don’t throw out the baby with the bath water.”) It’s ok to problem-solve and make tweaks to your plan but know why you’re doing it and don’t change everything at once.

7. “I’m figuring it out.”

This is useful when you just plain need consistency, stability, and the energy to keep going. Or when you feel that something is wrong because the plan takes so much tweaking and adjusting. Nothing has gone wrong! You are taking care of yourself by making the plan fit you instead of making yourself fit the plan, as in traditional “dieting.” Managing long-term weight loss in the maintenance phase requires constant small tweaks so this empowering belief is a good phrase to have in your front pocket. If you play your cards right, your maintenance phase will be much longer, a bigger part of your life than your weight loss, so these skills will continue to be important.

8. “I can feel a craving without acting on it. It can’t hurt me.”

This is by far one of the most important skills to build. (I will have a later blog post that gives you an entire step-by-step way to manage cravings.) If you binge eat, this empowering phrase is for you. It feels like the craving is a monster inside you that hijacks your actions. Feel it. Don’t push it away. It will pass more quickly than you imagine. I “get” that this is very difficult as I suffered with obsessive cravings for two decades. Don’t give up.

9. “Losing weight is simple and even easy.”

This one may feel over-stated, but what if it’s true? What if you can inject ease into your weight loss? This is what will help you succeed with maintenance. This is what will help you love your life and be less obsessed with weight loss. If you believe it will be easy, then you’re far more likely to create that atmosphere and reality for yourself. And you’ll be less likely to self-sabotage. There is no enemy; there are only habits of negative thinking which can be reversed! By the way, I do recommend simplicity in your food plan with enough variety to satisfy you. Simple plan + repeated action= success.

10. “I’m amazing right now!”

OMG, if we could all say and believe this now the world would be such a different place, right?

Variations:

“I am enough right now. I do not need to be perfect.”

“Perfection is a thought error. It’s a trap!”

Decide you’re loveable right now. Don’t wait until you’ve lost the weight. Because if you don’t love yourself now, you will not magically love yourself at your goal weight. Don’t confuse acceptance of the current you with complacency. At the same time that you accept yourself as you are now, you can set the barre high for change. They’re not mutually exclusive.

Second method: transform your own limiting beliefs into empowering ones

At this point, I need to say a word about “positive thinking.” For one thing, in the United States we have a history of engaging philosophically in “the power of positive thinking.” We go from problem to solution without pausing in between to actually feel the negative thing, to analyze and own the underlying problem. And there’s social pressure these days to “be positive.” Many people around the world admire this positive attitude in Americans, but it has its down side. This tendency explains the popularity of “self-help” books. We buy them, read them, but then have trouble enacting their advice, right? With food, we feel “I know what to do, but I just can’t do it!” In order to address this gap between knowing and doing, we need to do some psychological work.

So here are the four steps to turn your limiting beliefs into empowering ones.

Step One: Awareness

Write down your limiting beliefs as they pop up during the day. Give yourself at least a week to come up with a list of thoughts your brain churns out automatically, what we often refer to as “negative self-talk.” Try to capture the sentence just as your brain delivers it. Don’t be surprised by how harsh it may sound.

Step Two: Exploration

Pick one or two of the limiting beliefs you listed. Take out your journal or just have plenty of paper handy. I suggest you do this in the morning when you are fresh and can focus just on yourself (before you begin “serving” others). Write about each belief. Relax. Whatever comes up is good. If you need some prompting, consider some or all of the following questions.

• What from my past might trigger me to hold this limiting belief? To make me think this way? (It could be an event, an experience, or a person.) What happened?

• Whose voice do I hear saying it?

• What problem or situation is the thought trying to solve? (There is always a reason you have the thought. Our brain is protecting us, trying to keep us safe. The thought is simply misguided.)

• How does the thought make me feel?

Step 3: Acceptance aka Working Through

Proceed at this point with self-compassion. This is the hardest part. If you skip this step, you probably will not succeed.

Simply be with the feelings and information that has emerged. Let it roll around in your head for several days, a week, or more. Don’t rush yourself. It’s very individual. Take walks. Be with yourself. It’s hard to prescribe exactly what to do because the process is a bit mysterious and there is definitely no one-size-fits-all.

At this point it’s natural to be feeling upset or panicky: “I want to get rid of this negativity right away! How do I do that?” or, “I don’t want to be a negative person.” This is often how people feel when they uncover a thought that holds them back from their larger dreams and desires. But rushing to change it quickly is a form resistance. It will backfire. Lovingly, give yourself some time to own the feeling that resides in you. It seems illogical, but you need to own it in order to change it. Just like you need to own your body, your current weight, in order to change those.

If we “reject” the thoughts and feelings completely, it’s like rejecting ourselves. Have empathy for that hurting person inside of you. Talk to that person and soothe her. Feel where she’s been all this time. You can’t be the author of your own journey until you feel and integrate all those parts. If it helps, pretend that you’re talking to a dear friend. It’s often easier for us to generate compassion for another human (or even our pet!) than to generate it toward ourselves. Then, turn that compassion toward yourself.

If it’s intolerable to think about the feelings that have emerged, you may want to get some help from a therapist or counselor. Therapy can be life-changing. I highly recommend it. You deserve and probably won’t regret doing that amazing exploration. Wanting or needing therapy does not mean something’s wrong with you. In fact, doing it means you’re courageous.

Step Four: Action

Now, rewrite your limiting sentence into an empowering one. Make it be about the same material, but with the positive message. Write it so you can believe it, at least mostly. It can be neutral-sounding, glowingly positive, or somewhere in between. If you’ve done the work of the previous step, now you are no longer thinking from a mindset of “fixing,” or feeling “one-down” or “not good enough.” Now you are giving yourself little phrases to carry with you and help you with changing the habit you want to change. You’re creating your own positive self-talk. Congratulations!

Final method: Practice your empowering thought

After you’ve settled on your best one or two empowering phrases, you need to practice them over and over again. You are literally retraining your brain. Some people would consider this self-hypnosis or even “reverse brainwashing.” Your brain loves to learn, wants to be efficient, but it needs lots of repetition. You are replacing one habit loop with a better one!

I suggest picking one or at most two strategies; don’t try them all at once. Experiment and see which ones work for you. When you pick a strategy, give it a chance to work. I suggest at least a week or two. But time is on your side. There’s no rush. There’s nowhere to “arrive.” What’s important is that you’re making some progress. You will know when your brain starts to prefer the new thought over the old as the new one will begin to appear spontaneously without you having to work at it.

• Say the phrase to yourself when you catch yourself thinking a limiting belief. I recommend everyone do this one.

• Write it in your journal or planner daily.

• Say it to yourself throughout the day (even aloud).

• Pair it with a particular routine activity such as: brushing your teeth, washing dishes, cooking dinner, driving to work, or entering the grocery store.

• Say it to yourself before you fall asleep, especially a phrase that concerns how you feel about yourself.

• Use the thought when you feel a craving or a pull to eat and you’re not hungry.

• Put the thought on a sticky note and place on the bathroom mirror, refrigerator, phone charger, pantry door, etc. where you will see it frequently.

• Put it on your lock screen or other place on your phone that you see often.

You have to practice the thought consistently. As one of my favorite coaches says, “Be consistently consistent.” Some days it will seem untrue, or silly, or trivial, or ridiculous. Don’t give up! Persistence is what separates long-term success from failure. In particular, don’t give up if you make mistakes! This is part of the process. Remember that a mistake is merely an invitation to learn.

I hope this blog post has helped you move toward achieving your goals.

I’d love to hear from you! Please send all of your questions, comments, and suggestions for future blogpost topics to linda@riseupslimdown.com or https://www.riseupslimdown.com/contact

I answer each message I receive. Thank you for reading!