What is a belief? It is a thought that you’ve had over and over again, so many times that it feels like an observation or a fact. But actually, a belief contains biases, feelings, or judgments underneath its neutral-sounding surface. Usually, we don’t question our beliefs unless something happens to shake them. We assume that they are true because they feel true.

Some beliefs we picked up in childhood, typically by someone telling us this is what we should believe. An example using our focus of weight loss might be that a well-meaning adult said something to you about your weight, or your eating. Perhaps Uncle Joe said: “You have such a pretty face. If you lost some weight, you’d be a beauty.” At that age, you didn’t have the experience or the emotional defenses built up to determine the truth or falsehood of such a statement. Other beliefs are ones you “learned” in your early adulthood, such as those you picked up from diet culture. The more commonly-held a belief is, the less able we are to question or reject it.

This next assertion may seem oddly stated: A belief is one thought option of many. You can choose to believe anything you want. Or you can stop subscribing to a belief even if you’ve actively believed it your entire life! You get to decide. You don’t need anyone’s permission. And you don’t need to tell anyone what it is you’re choosing to believe or to explain why you do or do not believe something.

One tricky thing about beliefs is that we are often unaware of what we believe. The thought resides just below the surface of the flow of words in our minds. This means that in order to become cognizant of some of those “hidden” beliefs, we have to cultivate awareness. Somehow (and there are many techniques, fortunately), we need to tune in to what we’re thinking and let those beliefs come to the surface.

All schools of psychology, practitioners of yoga, self-improvement gurus, health proponents, and many religions tend to agree on one thing: if we wish to change a behavior that we don’t like—such as smoking, drinking, overeating, overspending, etc.—awareness of our thoughts, especially beliefs, is the first and perhaps the most important step. So we’ll talk a lot about awareness as we move into the weight loss journey.

When you become aware and uncover a belief, you may notice that the more primitive part of your brain offers evidence that proves the belief. That’s just what it does automatically. (In science and the social sciences this is called “confirmation bias.” We find what we’re looking for.) But what you’ll notice if you decide to change a belief is that there’s evidence for the new (more positive) thought as well, and that second set of evidence has always been there, you just hadn’t seen it before because you weren’t looking for it.

Here’s a simple example of this point: a friend gave me a ride in her old Toyota Corolla and talked non-stop about how much she loves the car. The next week, I noticed what seemed to be a million Corollas on the road that were approximately of the same vintage as my friend’s. Had they been on the road all along? Yes! I just hadn’t noticed them because I wasn’t aware of that model and its longevity before, so I literally couldn’t see them.

There are many different kinds of beliefs, but in general we could say from a psychological point of view that some are negative and hold us back, and some are positive and propel us forward, challenging us to grow, improve, and respect ourselves more. People are now calling the ones that hold us back “limiting beliefs.” I like that term. The positive ones are often called “affirmations.” I prefer the term “empowering beliefs.” In the next blog post, we will discuss the process of transforming a limiting belief into an empowering one—in which you transform yourself in the process—and show how you can use the empowering phrase to help you reach your goals.

Now let’s look at a list of common limiting beliefs experienced by many people who struggle with excess weight or eating issues. Each statement is a myth, in the sense that it is NOT true, if examined. Here I state the myth and show how it can be de-constructed and moved toward thoughts that are more helpful and empowering.

1. “I can’t lose weight.”

Your brain finds evidence for this in past weight loss attempts that did not go well. Yes, each body works differently and we have to experiment sometimes before we find the winning combination for ourselves that produces weight loss. What you need is the energy and stamina to do the problem-solving necessary. But if you do not believe it’s even possible, that will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. This thought will hold you back. (By the way, the diet industry profits from repeated failures. They’re just waiting for you to spend a lot of money on the next best diet. And the way that diet is constructed, it is almost guaranteed that you will fail again and be looking for yet another diet.)

But failure in the past in actual fact does NOT predict future outcomes! A well-known example of this is that most smokers who want to quit smoking make about four to five unsuccessful attempts before they quit for good. I think we can conclude that they are learning something from their previous attempts and we can be encouraged by their process.

2. “I can’t stop eating ________” (fill in the blank with a food that makes you feel you have no “off switch.”)

This belief is extremely dis-empowering. Replace it with something modest like “The next time I eat ________, I will be able to stop after two small servings” and just work with it. You don’t have to succeed 100% of the time!! This is the problem we have: we believe it’s either all or nothing. Instead, work toward one successful encounter with it. Then build on that. If you solve it 70% of the time after working with it for, say, six months, that’s a win! It’s way better than it was before, right? That 70% victory is probably enough to produce part of your weight loss.

As a side note, on this issue of a highly triggering food, if you are NOT able to succeed even one time in moderating it after many weeks of trying, you may want to keep yourself safely away from that food, at least for awhile. Keep that one out of your home and maybe try it again later. Substitute another food you like that you are able to eat in moderation. And don’t worry about it! This does not mean something is “wrong” with you. You are managing your environment so that you feel less tempted by certain foods. Will power is finite, so you don’t want to be using it all the time. It’s exhausting and by no means your only strategy.

3. “Weight loss is hard.”

It still amazes me when I realize that we are “allowed” to turn it around. We can dare to believe “Weight loss can be low key, can be easy, can feel natural and good” or whatever words you like. Wow! The belief that it’s hard, that it has to be hard, has been drilled into us. What if…what if it doesn’t have to be? Structure your weight loss so that it feels like just another part of your day. Get rid of the drama and it WILL feel easy. Make it your “new normal.”

4. “I won’t be able to keep it off.”

It is common with people in the beginning stages of weight loss to be worrying about where they will be when they reach their goal. “Will I always have to eat this way?” Try to stay in the present. You will be a very skilled person by the time you get there, able to do all kinds of things that would seem impossible at the start of your journey. Your brain is looking for excuses to drop off your eating plan now, to comfort you (with food, of course). Don’t go there. Also, your brain is latching on to the statistics—which, granted, are very real—that something like 90% or more of people who lose weight experience regain. Decide that you’re going to be in the 10%! I know it’s bold, but if some people can do it, so can you.

5. “This isn’t happening fast enough.”

This is one of my “favorites” in the sense that our survival brain is showing us just what a trickster it is! This belief is held by a person who is actually succeeding in losing weight, but perhaps bought the diet culture lie that it’s not good enough unless it’s happening super quickly. Ironically, this “not fast enough” thought leads the person to quit the plan that’s working and return to the way they ate before, which they know wasn’t producing weight loss! It’s ironic, right? Or seemingly backwards. Then they waste a bunch of time regaining weight until they find the next “diet” that promises to be the miracle one that works quickly (except it doesn’t, most likely). All that drama, and time wasted, could have been avoided.

I believe that underneath this struggle is a fear of success. What’s actually happening is that the survival brain is feeling threatened by the weight loss and is sneakily trying to get the person to quit. The primitive part of our brain always resists change, even when we’re bravely doing things that move us in a positive direction in our lives. (It seeks comfort instead.) In fact, for the survival brain the weight loss is actually happening too fast. I’ve always struggled with the term “fear of success,” but here it reveals its meaning clearly: from the point of view of the survival brain, success (change) is an emergency to be fixed, as though a saber-tooth tiger is chasing us.

6. “I just have to find the right diet.”

Often people spend hours and hours on the internet reading all the conflicting information about different diets trying to find the “right” one. Yes, there is conflicting information out there, even in the academic literature, even if you dig below the commercial interests. This search typically results in confusion and overwhelm which in turn lead to inaction! Don’t fall into this trap! The truth is that there is more than one right way for you to do it! The solution to this overwhelm is to start somewhere, make small modifications over time, and you will arrive at the plan that is just right for you. Instead of trusting the “experts,” trust yourself.

Often this inaction comes from the thought, “I don’t know what to do.” I challenge you to dig deeper. As a coach, when I typically ask a new client, “If I asked you to name one or two behaviors that are getting in the way of you reducing your weight, what would they be?” the client always answers without hesitation or doubt! We all know what we need to change first! We just don’t necessarily want to admit it. Or we believe that the experts know better than we do. Not true.

7. “I’ll just work it off through exercise tomorrow.”

What is the role of exercise in weight loss, anyway? Movement is incomparable medicine for mood improvement, for self-confidence and self-esteem, for metabolic and overall health, for getting deeply in touch with your body, for joy and connection to nature, and the list goes on. Embarking on a weight loss journey without it is like having your hands tied behind your back.

But experts do agree that what you weigh is primarily (90% or more) determined by what and how much you eat. You literally cannot work off all the excess calories taken in during overeating. Instead, you need to change your food plan so that you promote the burning of your own body fat.

This myth also leads many people to hate exercise, or to use it as punishment. This is a shame. Instead, find a way to move your body that you love!

Another tragic result of this myth, when taken to an extreme, is a condition now called “exercise bulimia” which is when a person uses extreme exercise to “undo” overeating or bingeing. If this describes you, first practice compassion for yourself and next be sure to get some help from a psychotherapist. They can guide you gently toward a healthier relationship with exercise.

8. “Once I fall off the wagon, it’s hard to get on again.” Or “I’ve already blown it, so I might as well keep eating.”

I suppose the wagon metaphor probably comes from the world of alcohol and drug addiction where “abstinence-only” is the accepted model for those recovering. For those of us with food issues, however, we obviously can’t abstain entirely from eating, so things are not as black and white.

And black and white is precisely the problem here: these beliefs reflect a strong tendency toward perfectionism. Making one choice that you feel is “unhealthy” does not necessarily lead to the next choice being that way. But the survival brain kicks in again, always looking for an excuse to offer you comfort, and says, “Oh, just keep eating.” This thought must be countered with the better logic that would argue that each food choice is a separate event. You are in the driver’s seat, always.

9. “I’m not good enough.”

This belief, unfortunately, is the quintessential limiting belief that seems to affect the vast majority of us in Western cultures. Many of us spend almost our entire lives believing and struggling with this sense that we’re “not enough,” that we “don’t deserve love” that we are “unacceptable” or we “just don’t measure up.” There seems to be an elusive societal standard, or model, that everyone is comparing themselves to and finding themselves “lacking.”

But compared to what exactly? Often people who are considered “successful” don’t rid themselves of insecurities, but experience doubt about their success (in modern parlance, “imposter syndrome”). So is it a kind of “perfectionism,” again?

But who’s perfect? No one. By definition to be human is to be imperfect. So where does the feeling of lack come from? In part, it comes from the Western notion that performance determines worth. You’re only loveable, deserving of being loved, if high-achieving. And high-achieving is typically defined by money, status, and body perfection. The lie is revealed when we talk to actresses or models who are indeed considered the body ideal and discover that they, too, suffer from the “not good enough” feelings. Or the wealthy businessmen who feel they don’t have “enough” money and are desperately unhappy.

In fact, if we have an attitude of compassion toward our fellow humans, toward a newborn for example, we can see that just by virtue of being alive we are deserving of love. That it’s about “being” not “having.” But this defective feeling runs deep. And it is passed down intergenerationally: the parent feels it, is unresolved about it, and passes that feeling unconsciously to their child.

The complex feeling that is underneath this thought is shame. And shame perpetuates itself through silence. “I feel defective and I want to hide it.” But the more a person hides it, the more the shame is fueled.

One way to dissipate this feeling successfully is by talking about the struggle with others. Shame cannot survive without silence. This is, in part, why community is so essential in general, and why weight-loss communities in particular can be so effective. If you want to succeed with weight loss, consider joining a group where your true feelings can be shared.

To reiterate, in the next blog, we will talk about how to re-cast any of your personal limiting beliefs into more empowering ones and how to practice them so that they help you further your goals.

I’d love to hear from you! Please send all of your questions, comments, and suggestions for future blogpost topics to Linda@RiseUpSlimDown.com or https://www.riseupslimdown.com/contact

I answer each message I receive. Thank you for reading!